don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.