Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.