i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed