I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY