All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.