So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
