We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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