I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
