And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
