i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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