Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
