Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
