Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize