I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize