Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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