I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
