Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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