I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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