Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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