This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
