we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
