Sponge bath it is.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
