I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
