but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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