you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
