I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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