so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he high fived his dick after we had sex
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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