just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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