dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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