the new term for farting is butt boxing.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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