he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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