i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
