i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
