Can Purell be used as lube?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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