I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
areolas are like halos for boobs.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
