It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
