Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you