Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
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The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
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