dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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