i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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