fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
