I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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