DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
