Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
