my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
