Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT