I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?