Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting