What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.