just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.