Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.