She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
