When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
