But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
