i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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