If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
