apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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