Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
