Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
