apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
