Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
