Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
