its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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