Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
