Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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