whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
