She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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