You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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