I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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